Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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