therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
