Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
