there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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