oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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