i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
