Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
