Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
