you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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