I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The Olympian is in my bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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