It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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