i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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