So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
