you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
