we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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