I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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