so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
