i can't believe i had my finger in that
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
