Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
