She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
