Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its not stalking. its research.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
