turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
