his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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