There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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