Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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