When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
