Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
