I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
