Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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