It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
