I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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