I'm sorry my penis didn't work
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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