my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
