I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
