Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
