Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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