As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
