I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
