so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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