are you still at the devil's house?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
