Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
