Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
