Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
