They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
