My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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