i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need moral support for this bender
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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