you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
