i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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