I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
