sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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