i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
