Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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