He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
