So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
