I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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