Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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